Ichiro vs. Kenny Powers

In 2006, Ichiro played for the Seattle Mariners, and Kenny played for “Seattle.” How do they compare?

Height
Ichiro: 5’9″
Kenny: 5’8″

Weight
Ichiro: 160
Kenny: 210

Home
Ichiro: Kasugai, Japan
Kenny: Shelby, North Carolina

Strengths
Ichiro: An excellent contact hitter, a speedy baserunner, and a ten-time Gold Glove winner
Kenny: An arm like a damn rocket, a cock like a Burmese python, and the mind of a fucking scientist

Hobbies
Ichiro: Collecting paintings, shopping for antique furniture, driving his Porsche, playing golf, growing bonsai trees
Kenny: Getting drunk on the reg, fuckin’ good times on the reg, yachts on the reg, sex on the reg, riding the Panty-Dropper (his Jet-Ski), cocaine

Favorite Bar
Ichiro: Saito’s Japanese Café & Bar
Kenny: Sh-Boom Sh-Boom’s

Memorable Quote
Ichiro: “I have no regrets following my dream to play in the major leagues. In fact, my only regret would have been if I didn’t follow my dream.”
Kenny: “I’m the man with the ball. I’m the man who can throw it faster than fuck. So that is why I’m better than everyone else in the world. Kiss my ass and suck my dick, everyone.”

On Fashion
Ichiro: “The fashion sense Americans have is a crime.”
Kenny (to girlfriend): “I know one of us has had their own personal stylist, and the other shoplifts their shit from Fashion Bug… You got clothes like a fuckin’ dickhead.”

On Seattle
Ichiro: “You can see water everywhere you go, which is very unique for an urban area in the States.”
Kenny: “You should see my fuckin’ cookouts, man. When I was back in Seattle, I had the goddamn Spoonman from the Soundgarden videos comin’ to my shit. Oh yeah, I’m talkin’ six grills burnin’ at all times, tiki torches, three whole pigs, fuckin’ shitloads of macaroni and cheeses, baked potatoes, collard greens, a horse, fuckin’ Puerto Rican chicks showin’ their pussies and tits off everywhere. They were amazing!… Seattle can tongue-kiss my shithole.”

The second season of Eastbound & Down comes out on DVD today.

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One response to “Ichiro vs. Kenny Powers

  1. Pingback: My Favorite Super Ichiro Crazy Posts of 2011 | Super Ichiro Crazy!

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